Maybe you should try a size larger

Why do so many people wear clothes that are too small for them? How do you know that your clothes are too small? Here are a few helpful hints:

• you have to suck in your gut to do up your pants
• you can see the texture of your cellulite through your clothes
• your stomach rolls cover your belt
• your short sleeves cut off the circulation to your arms
• the fabric is stretched to the point of transparency

Don't get me wrong, I'm not coming down on people who don't fit into small clothes, I'm trying to help them. People look slimmer and far more attractive when they wear things that fit properly. Squeezing your fat ass into a an extra small doesn't make you an extra small, it makes you a large that made the bad decision to squeeze yourself into an extra small which just makes you look ten times as large as you actually are.

Embrace your size, buy and wear clothes that fit. You'll look better, you'll feel better, and the world will thank you for it.

The Cropped Sweater. WHY?

I have a whole "Dear Fashion Industry" post brewing, but for now, I'm just going to go directly to the issue of "short" or "cropped" sweaters.

In a world where 95% of the female population chooses not to expose their midsection 95% of the time (for a multitude of reasons), why oh why are so many tops (t-shirts, blouses, sweaters, etc...) hemmed so damn short? What is it with this continuing trend? A large majority of the tops I try on are rejected due to the simple fact that they expose too much flesh. (And by "too much" I mean "any at all"). And I take specific issue with cropped sweaters because their mere existence slaps logic right in the face: If it's cold enough to wear a sweater, it's too cold to expose your midriff. The same illogic can be applied to the whole "socks avec sandals" issue. It's not (just) that it looks ridiculous, but: If it's cold enough to wear socks, it's too cold for sandals.


I do realize that low and mid-rise jeans are contributing factors, but they don't make (fashionable) high-waisted jeans anymore because nobody wears them. (Except maybe moms.)

Wake up (sweater) designers of the world! The entire reason we wear sweaters is so we can keep warm. And we can't keep warm if our stomachs are exposed. Armed with my Macy*s card, I'm pretty confident I could single-handedly put an end to the current recession if designers would lengthen their sweaters by a minimum of 3 inches. Thank you. And good night. /end rant

Airport Security

I was allowed to bring my metal knitting needles onto the plane, but my small, cheap, rounded tip craft scissors (which were given the green light on the security web site) were confiscated. Well, I guess I can see how knitting needles which I could use to stab someone through the neck would be considered no threat whereas the cheap rounded tip scissors could cause a minor scrape if I could manage to wield them correctly would be viewed as a security threat.

Do they really think we don't see the inconsistencies?

And while we're on airport security, I'm really starting to think that the liquid ban is just a conspiracy by the vendors in the airport to force us to buy beverages and full-size bottles of shampoo from them.

I really think all these security measures are a waste of time, money, effort, and our freedom. Especially when you consider that you're more likely to get killed walking across the street than in a terrorist attack.

So security screeners, please leave me and my craft scissors alone and let me bring a freakin' bottle of water into the bloody airport because it's not a bomb!